She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
