Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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