its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
