Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
