Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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