I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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