he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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