I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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