please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
