you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
