Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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