He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
