Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
