Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
