I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
