I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
