dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
