tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
