When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
