If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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