the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
