Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
