I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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