I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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