You're so nebulous sometimes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
