singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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