We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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