I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
