booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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