im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
