Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
