I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
