Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
