He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
