i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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