the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
