Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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