Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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