there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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