Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mom said you looked used
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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