You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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