Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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