Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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