I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
