I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
