Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
