I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
