This girl is more easily done than said...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
