guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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