I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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