How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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