everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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